Hello all!
It's been a little while, and I'm back this week to talk about some basic review etiquette. We have resources geared for reviewers, and some scheduled for writers and publishers about receiving reviews, but this is something a little different. Sometimes we aren't just one of those things, and the water can get murky when it comes to interacting with our peers.
So, this is just some basic review etiquette. What to avoid, why reviews matter, and when it's appropriate to reach out to a reviewer.
Reviews are for Readers
If there is one thing to take away from this entire post, it's that reviews are for readers.
I am a writer. I have a lot of writer friends. I spend a lot of time supporting and cheerleading for my other writer friends and being 100% supportive of everything they do. I also spend a lot of time beta reading, critiquing, and editing everything they do.
A review shouldn't be about fluffing a writer's ego any more than it should be about tearing down tiny mistakes. It should be an honest, balanced opinion about a book that you share for other readers who might be interested.
Honesty is Important
It might be tempting to be super kind and tell white lies in your reviews when you're commenting on a friend's work. Or an indie book. Or just to feel supportive to another writer.
But if you're a reviewer, you need to be able to stand by your reviews.
If I pick up a book by a friend that wasn't for me, it's going to be a lot more helpful for other readers with similar tastes to know if I didn't like it. If I have friends who read my reviews who don't share my tastes? They're going to be way more into a review of something I didn't like if I can explain why. Some aspects that brought my score down might be selling points for someone that is looking for something different than myself.
I follow a lot of reviewers and not all of them share my tastes. But if they started lying about what they liked and didn't like, I wouldn't think "oh, they're just being kind to writers." I would trust them less, and their opinion would hold less sway later down the line.
*Reviewer Tip: If you don't like a book by a friend, try to highlight things the book did well, put your criticism into context, and suggest an audience who may have liked it better.
Example: "I love the style of this book, but I didn't love reading about werewolves. If you're looking for a great werewolf book, this is one I'd recommend because of the strong characters and vivid imagery."
This is a friendly and honest recommendation, while fully admitting that the book simply wasn't for you.
Friends Won't Always Like Your Books
This is going to sound harsh, but it's a great thing actually. Friends will not always like your books. This can mean a lot of things. You have range. You're trying new things. You're capable of having connections with people outside your little genre of fiction. It's good. I promise, it's all good.
I have so many wonderful friends who are so supportive of me even when I'm writing weird stuff that's just for me. They can be totally supportive of my process and my ideas, but they don't need to enjoy or even read every thing that I write. I know they support me following the inspiration regardless.
It's so much more helpful to my book when my friend says "This was my least favorite book of Cat's because I'm not a fan of 60's creature features. But I liked this one character, and think that someone who enjoys this sort of setting might appreciate the story more than I did" than for them to just give a lackluster "I enjoyed it" that nobody really believes.
That first example is more honest, but it also gears the book toward the correct audience. And if it came from someone more familiar with my epistolary horror, I'd be less likely to get epistolary fans reading my period piece creature features, who might also be disappointed.
Author Tip: If you don't HAVE to read your own reviews, don't. Some writers like to use reviews in promoting, but there are always work-arounds like contacting people for blurbs. If you know you don't respond well to reviews, please don't read them. They're not for the author. That's what beta reading, edits, and critiques are for.
Friends Won't Always Like Your Reviews
Just as friends won't always like your books, friends won't always like your reviews.
Whether it's because you wrote too much, not enough, or you just didn't love the book as much as they hoped you would, sometimes your friends won't always see the value in a review you've left.
This can be tricky.
In an ideal world, your friend hasn't even read a review you left for their book unless it was glowing and you tagged them in it. But sometimes you'll leave a middle of the road, or god forbid negative review, and they'll be hurt.
Reviewer Tip: If you're close enough to a writer you feel like you can't be honest about their work, you're probably close enough to reach out and talk to them about it. Ask them how you'd like it to be handled, and if that sounds like a literal nightmare to you, remember that you don't need to review every book you read.
Reviews of books that are bought with your own money and reviewed on a review platform in your free time, are reviews that the author shouldn't be reaching out to you about unless you tag them or send it their way. If it's not a good review, don't initiate that contact, and they should extend that same courtesy to you.
Author Tip: Don't reach out to a reviewer about their review unless it's to say "thank you." Even a bad review. Even if you're friends. They wrote the review, they have the opportunity to invite you into that review when they post by sending it, telling you about it, or tagging you when it goes live. If they've not done ANY of those things, and especially if it's not a glowing piece, that's a sign they don't want to discuss it with you. Not being contacted about bad reviews is the number one privilege of reviewers and it's a boundary you should respect.
Respect Boundaries
So, as either a reviewer or an author you should try to respect boundaries. Especially if you're dealing with friends.
Don't be unnecessarily mean in a review you're writing about a friend's work.
Don't think being someone's friend means you can bother them about reviews they post about your work.
And most importantly, respect boundaries.
It's hard to balance friendships and professional relationships. The generic tips won't cover everything. If you feel the need to approach a writer who is your friend with a difficult conversation, approach them as a friend and try to respect their boundaries. Same for your friend who is a reviewer.
There is a world of difference between saying "As your friend, I found this piece of writing problematic" and saying in a review "this doesn't work for me, and here's why." A reviewer who says the first is someone who is probably really bothered and looking for guidance. A reviewer who does the second is still trying to help you by leaving a review.
There's also a difference between admitting as a friend that you were hurt by a review, and coming into someone's DMs as an author and apologizing that they had a poor experience. There is a power dynamic between authors and reviewers that isn't there with friends. This can make a reviewer (even if they know you) extremely uncomfortable if you're approaching them out of the blue as an author.
Listen
If you have to initiate a weird talk, be prepared to listen as well as speak your mind. It's okay to get something off your chest, but if you value the friendship more than the working relationship, you need to come in prepared to meet them halfway.
Likewise, it's okay to propose solutions to a problem, but you have to be prepared for those solutions to be turned down.
If I read a book by a friend that I found offensive, I'd say it would be okay to reach out to them and say "hey, here was my problem with this. Are you okay with me posting a review that says as much? Would you like to maybe have me sensitivity read for this thing in the future?"
But I also have to be okay if they say no, they don't want that.
Likewise, as an author, you can offer a sensitivity reading position to a reviewer if you respect their opinion that much, but you have to be prepared for them to refuse it. The same goes for other solutions, such as ARC copies or even refunds.
Conclusion
It can always be hard to balance things like power dynamics, friendships, and just sharing creative spaces together. Reviews are so helpful, but it's also important that you listen to people who are trying to tell you things. Be respectful of one another. Don't harass reviewers or authors.
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